But I think I might like to have the option to try it once sometime. Steve Jobs said famously it was one of the most important things he ever did. I would prepare myself for six months and I would only ever do it -like him- one time.

But everyone who knows me well has expressly said- “yeah LSD- that’s not such a good idea for you”. I have always had the same sense of it myself. I suddenly wondered: Why?

? Internal anxiety, a lack of feeling that everything is “all right”, a lack of trust in myself, a fear of real change, a fear of insanity, pain, loneliness of not being sane enough or strong enough. fear of what I might find out. afraid of all and everything.

Whatever the reason, its readily apparent not just to me but to everybody who knows me well. These things whatever they are must be written all over my face

There are some things in life that need to be said. Everyone has them. Its a unique expression of a deep burning longing within us all. An unrequited wish, a brilliant idea not come to fruition. A feeling, a work of art….unexpressed and unrealized it hurts so deep

You just want to say what you need to and know that you have been heard. That the intended recipient of your message has received, processed and accepted without rancour.

I only wanted her to know that my heart was always in the right place and, even though I didn’t give her what she needed at that point in her life it wasn’t from lack of trying. And I did finally figure it out. But by then it was too late-she was an adult already and nothing more could be done.

Some things in life go unexpressed and they will always hurt.

I’m in the Aboriginal outback. Its nighttime and I am huddled alone around a campfire. Above me is an amazing starry sky which stretches from horizon to horizon, and to the limits of my imagination. Its so vast I cannot truly begin to comprehend its scope. Terrifying, beautiful.

All along I am aware this dream is taking place in the physical space inside my own head, behind my nose, at the top of my trachea where my breath and brain come together.